Stop Asking Couples When they Plan to Have a Baby
Dated 18 June 2016
With Father's Day around the corner, for some it isn't a joyous occasion. For one in six Canadians and others around the world struggle with infertility, it can be a painful reminder of a seemingly never-ending journey to fatherhood.
"Women get pregnant easier when they're
younger," aaording to Dr. Al Yuzpe of the Olive Fertility Centre in
Vancouver. If you're over the age of 37 and haven't gotten
pregnant in a year, Yuzpe said your chances of getting
pregnant naturally is seven or eight per cent.
If you find yourself asking these questions, here are three reasons you should stop:
- For some, it's painful to answer
People don't just simply "forget" to have kids. Us kid-less couples have reasons why we don't have kids yet. In case of working women stress can be another reason. Their body has made the decision for them. It cannot cope with the pressures of the demanding job and frantic lifestyle - and also take on the burden of carrying a child. For some of us, we just aren't ready yet. But, sadly, for a lot of couples, there's more to it than that. Health struggles. Issues to work through. One spouse who's ready and one who isn't. A couple that can't afford healthcare. A couple that has tried everything and had no luck. A mom and dad that have loved and lost and no one knows it. Remember that, every time you ask, it's like salt in their already excruciatingly painful wounds. So, better keep your curiosity to yourself. - It's extremely personal-and kind of inappropriate
You're basically asking a couple (who you might barely know) when they're going to stop using birth control. You should'nt ask someone you barely know, "So, are you using birth control? If so, what kind? And when do you plan to stop?" There's really no benefit to asking, and it just makes for awkwardness. You're not doing any favor here.
- There's nothing wrong with waiting
There's nothing wrong with having kids right away, and there's nothing wrong with waiting. Every couple is in a different situation-job-wise, finance-wise, health-wise, and the list goes on.Some couple like to wait a little while. And when it's God's timing, it's God's timing. For some, that's sooner than others. Some have gone as far as to call couple selfish for waiting a whopping two or three years to have kids. That's craziness, people.
Respect other couples' choices to wait if it's what's best for
them. Parenthood is a wonderful gift, and every couple wants to
experience it. But condescending remarks on waiting just aren't
going to help anything.