I might as well start by apologizing in advance to everyone that I am about to offend. But seriously, “Lose Weight Easily” has got to be the dumbest, most inane and contradictory statement ever. I guess the millions of people whose fat rolls bounce happily along with each step choose to be that way ‘cause they like it, not ‘cause dieting or exercising is hard or time-consuming or just flat-out impossible sometimes. Google the phrase and you get 90 400 hits. Yikes. Maybe what’s even dumber is us, believing it over and over—and over again. And “Lose Weight Quickly” doesn’t fare much better on the stupidity scale.

Here are some pretty startling numbers, courtesy of Statistics Canada: in 2007, 16 per cent of Canadian adults (excluding those in the Northwest Terrorities—don’t ask me why) aged 18 and over reported themselves as obese, and 32 per cent reported themselves as overweight; in 2004, 26 per cent of children and adolescents between two and 17 were either overweight or obese. And remember people, these are self-reported statistics—the real numbers could be, and probably are, higher.

I guess all those people would simply rather not take that magical pill or down that miraculous potion. They prefer to play Russian roulette with their bodies and subject themselves to the myriad of health risks that go hand-in-hand with obesity; diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer, arthritis and high blood pressure are just a small drop in a big bucket of associated ailments.

Sorry, but that just doesn’t make sense, no matter how you look at it. Yes, in a way we do choose to be fat—we eat too much and we move too little. Hand-to-mouth action doesn’t count as strenuous activity. And yes, a big chunk of us do choose not to do anything about it. Well, maybe it’s not quite as simple as that—maybe it’s because losing weight and keeping it off is hard, so the majority of us are unsuccessful at it. We do try, some of us anyway. It seems like we, as a society, are always on diets. However, it just takes a tiny bit of common sense to figure out that if there was anything quick or easy about losing weight, we wouldn’t be facing an obesity crisis.

So why, brilliant as we are, do we spend so much of our hard-earned money on such bogus products? Alexandra Senkow of Defining Eve says it’s a reflection of our society as a whole—the focus is on “instant gratification” and has moved away from “long-term planning.” When we want something, we want something now.

But Alexandra says there are no quick fixes, especially when it comes to weight-loss. Our society’s penchant of streamlining everything in its quest to make it more efficient has people underestimating the amount of work they need to do for their health. She says you need to exercise—for either 30 minutes a day or for an hour 3-4 times a week. And you need to follow a healthy diet. There’s no getting around the fact that it takes time and effort.

 

You also need to be realistic: people are surprised when she tells them that most women can’t safely lose weight at a rate of more than half a pound to a pound a week. Seriously. We’ve been inundated with so many false claims that we’ve set our expectations so much higher, and that ultimately leads to disappointment and failure. We don’t gain weight overnight and it makes sense that the opposite is also true—we don’t lose it overnight either. So don’t believe those 10 pounds in 10 days ads. More importantly, don’t waste your money on the products they are hyping.

I wanted to get a dietician’s take (actually, make that five dieticians) on this whole “lose weight quickly and easily” phenomenon but, for whatever reason, I was deemed unworthy of their time. I’m choosing to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they would have loved to have offered me their professional opinion but were simply too busy helping a multitude of people sort through the nutritional maze that we all face on a day-to-day basis.

My strictly non-professional opinion is that they would have echoed Alexandra’s opinion. I believe they would have said that there is no such thing as quick and easy weight-loss and that it takes time, energy, exercise and a healthy eating plan. If I’m wrong, which I don’t think I am, I’m definitely open to input.

So why are there so many products with such unsubstantiated claims bombarding us around every corner? Because we, with our copious amount of so-called brain cells, continue to believe—or want to believe—in fairytales. We want to believe that there is a quick fix, that we can simply throw money at it and voilá, problem solved. As long as we spend a gazillion dollars every year supporting the products and people that make those claims, they are going to continue to make more. Stop buying the stuff and see what happens.

Sorry, this is turning into a rant but seriously everyone, there is no quick or easy way to lose weight. Don’t waste your money. Don’t support that industry. Don’t buy into it. Period.

It doesn’t take a Harvard education to figure out that these assertions couldn’t possibly have even a smidgen of truth to them—because, if they did, why would our collective butts be increasing in size at such an alarming rate?

As Michael Pollan suggests in In Defense of Food: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” And while it’s not quite as simple as that, it is certainly a good start. Just move your body while you’re doing it.