Wine for children signals trouble
Reported December 26, 2007
I have seen the mother give her girls sips of her wine — even hard liquor — when she is drinking. We don’t allow our children to do this. We have discussed drinking in moderation with them, but only when they are of legal age.
This friend and her family will soon be coming to visit. She told me that she’ll be bringing a bottle of wine for her girls to drink. When I asked her not to because I’m not comfortable with it and my kids aren’t allowed to do so, she started arguing that mine don’t have to.
Then she said she wouldn’t bring a bottle for her girls but would let them have some of hers. She argues that this is common in Europe.
This situation has me uncomfortable. Am I being unreasonable?
— Old-Fashioned in the USA
Dear Old-Fashioned: Unless your friend and her family live in Europe, please wake up to the fact that she is trying to rationalize her alcohol problem.
While some parents allow children an occasional sip of whatever they (the parents) are drinking, they don’t bring along an extra bottle “for their children.”
This indicates to me that the girls are doing a lot more than “sipping.” What you have described is a family in serious need of an intervention because your friend’s behavior is child endangerment. She’s jeopardizing her children’s health. My advice is to tell her you would prefer no alcohol in your house.
I’m betting it will cause her to cancel her plans to visit.
Dear Abby: I have a close friend, “Dee,” who is more than 50 pounds overweight.
She wears the trendiest clothes, styles her hair and makeup to perfection and has male friends she’d love to be more than friends with but has never been in a serious relationship.
When we go out with her male friends, they shower me with compliments and attention. I’m friendly but never flirt with them. It makes me uncomfortable that Dee is unhappy.
I have resorted to lying to her about men looking at her in a bar or fabricating compliments that I say I overheard a male friend say about her. It changes her mood for the better, but I feel awful for making it up. I’m becoming exhausted trying not to show interest in her friends, “dressing down” when we go out so as not to attract attention and lying to her to make it all better. What can I do besides avoid her altogether?
— “Dee”-Voted Friend
in D.C.
Dear Friend: The first thing you must do is stop lying.
Every time you do, you raise her hopes that the person you have invented will show an interest, which of course can never happen.
The second is to have a loving and truthful discussion with her about how much you care about her and about her weight because it affects not only her social life, but it could affect her health. Sometimes it takes a loving friend to direct our attention to something we would rather ignore.
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