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ANGER: learning to control the volcano within
 Anger
can be described a consequential behavior of many causes such as cognitive,
social/or behavioral models that we have learned from others, the lack of social
skills and problem solving strategies, and several biological factors.
Sources of Anger:
Repeated incidents that are predictable but where people are insisting that
something be different and that's when they're angry. When they're expecting and
demanding one thing and then they get
something else.
Constant Pain and Discomfort is a common source of anger. Physical discomfort
can make us more susceptible to getting angry and expressing anger when
provoked. There is the tendency to be less tolerant or patient whenever we feel
pain, for instance, when we are suffering from a headache or
backache. It is difficult
to feel good or kind when you are suffering from some physical pain. Nurses and
doctors who work with patients suffering from pain are usually aware of this
from experience.
 Heat,
noise and crowded conditions, which again increase our levels of discomfort, can
provoke violent and angry behavior more easily. Drivers caught in a long traffic
jam on a very hot day will probably find their anger rising more readily.
Likewise, a family that suffers from a lot of noise pollution may be more liable
to have a quarrel. It is quite natural for us to feel angry when we think that
we are being insulted, such as being called names.
When faced with obstacles which prevent us from getting what we want or need, it
is natural for us to feel angry. People become angry when their expectations are
not met. Research shows that when people are closer to getting what they want,
they are more liable to get angry when frustrated. They may also be angered
whenever obstacles are placed in their paths toward attaining or obtaining their
goals or desires.
Thus, the main cause of anger is represented by our irrational perceptions and
evaluations of situations when our rights and goals are apparently broken. Put
in simpler terms, thoughts and perception are the underlying factor of anger.
Physical Symptoms Associated with Anger :
 The
heart rate changes, predominantly upwards, and the heartbeat seems louder.
Breathing is labored and faster.
The hairs on the body often stand up, giving us
"gooseflesh."
The body, and especially the face, tend to feel hot, flushed, and
we may redden. We may feel light-headed, or that our blood has collected in our
heads. Our skin, especially the hands, can become clammy.
Our eyes may tear. We
tend to get a light (and sometimes severe) stomach upset, often described as "a
sinking feeling." Our mouths and throats often seem dry, and our throats feel
constricted.
Our muscles become tensed. This is often felt as a build-up of pressure, a
feeling like we are about to explode. We may become "hyperactive," pacing,
touching and handling objects restlessly, grinding our teeth, clenching our
fists, tapping our feet. Our speech tends to become louder and faster.
 All
this tension can make us tired, give us headaches, neck aches, backaches, and
the like, especially if we are "holding it in." But generally, we feel as if we
have a great abundance of physical energy, as if we were stronger than usual.
Our focus is narrowed, like tunnel vision. The rest of the world "vanishes" or
at least becomes insignificant. If the world - especially other people, even
friends - forces itself on us, we address our anger at it as well. For example,
if a friend tries to calm us down, we may push them away or tell them to shut
up. We are not terribly tolerant. And we can't seem to find pleasure in
anything.
We lose our perspective - precisely what we need to regain control -- and begin
to see the world as a hostile place, and life as intrinsically unfair. We may
become paranoid and interpret all things through the anger. We "see red," see
things as if they were too close, intruding on us.
Managing Anger:
Being aware of how you get angry is helpful. When you are aware of some
recurrent situations in your life that tends to make you angry, you can avoid
some of these situations or even remove them. You may not be able to do so with
other situations. However, awareness of how you get angry helps you better
understand the process. It is also very helpful to understand what happens to
you when you get angry.
Suppression:
 This
is one common way of handling angry feelings, especially in societies where the
public expression of angry feelings is considered to be socially undesirable or
where overly assertive behavior is not acceptable. In such societies, when we
feel angry, we suppress our anger. When one does this regularly, it is quite
inevitable that one will begin to develop physical symptoms such as headaches,
stomach ulcers, or even asthmatic wheezing. These are
often termed psychosomatic symptoms. Psyche means mind or soul, and soma means
body. In other words, it is true that the state of our emotions does affect our
physical health.
Expressing anger is partly a natural bodily response as we have seen. However,
you can learn some ways to manage anger, like:
-
Count up to ten- This allows us to avoid immediate aggressive
expression of anger. When one gets angry, one is often tempted to let go by
inflicting verbal or physical abuse. However, this method is often not
helpful as it does not promote communication and the resolution of the
underlying problems in situations and relationships. Instead, such responses
aggravate the problem. Instead of talking and resolving their problems,
people end up fighting.
-
Learning to communicate our feelings effectively and positively-
Try to find a creative and constructive way of communicating and revealing
your angry feelings besides just expressing or suppressing it. We must be
able to say things like "Hey what you have just said has made me feel angry.
I wonder why you said that." We can learn to say things like that that
promotes real communication, instead of a statement like "I'm angry". Many
people find that they feel better after communicating. If the other person
communicates some understanding and acknowledgement, they are well on the
road to resolving their problem. When expressing dissatisfaction, be gentle
and stay away from absolutes like ‘you never’
-
Exercise the body and release the tension- There are two things
we can do physically to manage this arousal of the body. Firstly, we can
exercise the body and release the tension
that has been built up in the body. The increased blood pressure and pulse
rate is put to good use if you exercise your body. Moreover, physical
exercise causes the human body to produce natural chemicals that make us
feel emotionally well. The second thing we can do is to learn to physically
relax when we feel angry. When we do so, the body's arousal is reduced and
we may not feel so angry. At the same time, we are reducing the physical
damage that may occur as a result of the unexpressed arousal of the body
caused by anger. Exercise and
relaxation are two lifetime habits that are very useful for a healthy
lifestyle.
-
Forgive and forget- It is important not to harbor within us
unresolved anger. Such anger builds into resentment and hatred and affects
us negatively. It will harm our emotional and physical health. To forgive is
to accept that a wrong has been done and that it has made us angry. A
decision is then made to bury the offence and not let it bother or even
destroy our peace. The danger of keeping accounts of the offences of others
is that it will build up within us and may one day erupt with the slightest
provocation. It will make us feel miserable and disrupt our various
relationships.
-
 Developing
a better perception of life- Forgiveness is possible when we can change
or alter our perspective of the situation or the
person. Sometimes, the situation might look different when we reconsider our
perspective. What may have initially looked like a crucial issue may turn
out to be relatively unimportant. We may therefore feel much less angry when
we think in terms of our new perspective.
-
 Self-Evaluation-Certain
times, it is also helpful to go through the process which triggers your
anger. The following are some self-review questions:
1. Identify an instance in your life when you felt very angry. Can you
remember what it was that made you angry? What happened?
2. How do you normally respond when you feel angry?
3. In what way do you usually communicate your anger?
When To Seek Help:
Anger is not always easily resolved. All of us have had some struggles with it
from time to time. But some have more difficulty coping with their angry
feelings. When does one seek help?
You need help if you feel you cannot cope with your anger. It may bother you in
different ways. You may find yourself expressing your anger through violent and
aggressive means. If you are physically abusing people, you need help. You may
also find yourself losing your temper easily. This could be very disruptive to
the way you function. You may find it very difficult to maintain healthy
relationships because of this. You probably need help if this is the case.
 Your
anger may also show itself in the form of physical ailments. On the other hand,
it may be turned inward in the form of depression.
If you think that you have an underlying problem with anger that is causing
physical or emotional problems, you may need help.
Who can you turn to for help? You may begin by speaking to a trusted and close
friend and learn how to share your feelings. If you need further help, you may
consult your doctor or seek help from a professional counselor.
Depending on our training, the strength of our anger, any temperamental
inclinations we may have, the situation, etc., we may take a direct approach,
perhaps involving aggression or at least verbal aggression, or we may attempt to
suppress the anger (restoring normality by changing ourselves), or we may
attempt to reassess the situation, i.e. make it non-violating and therefore not
anger-producing. The effectiveness of any one of these varies greatly, and each
has its advantages and drawbacks.
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