According to a survey carried out for Family Lives, parents having the least sex are the ones whose children are teenagers. 66 per cent of the respondents have teenage or older children, followed by those with children aged between 5 and 12 (49%). 45% told that they havesex less than once a week, and just over 23% confessed they hadn’t had sex at all in the preceding month. A huge majority – 86% of the respondents said they had sex less often since having children – and 73% said their sex life had definitely taken a turn for the worse since kids came on the scene.
Although these feelings are common, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Try these following suggestions to build on your sex life after kids.
Use Sex as a Stress-Reliever : Take note that making love relaxes you and helps you to sleep better. So if you’re exhausted, sex is often the best prescription! It helps you sleep more deeply and helps you fall asleep faster.
Relocate time: One of the reasons sex and parenthood don’t always go together is that night times become difficult once kids come. You have Kids not sleeping through the night. Difficult bedtime routines. All of these things can make sex at 11:00 pm rather difficult. You can make love at other times of day! Many couples find the morning the easiest (if you happen to wake up before the kids do). Or make use of nap time.
Talk in Front of the Kids: Don’t be afraid to flirt with your husband in front of kids, or kiss in front of them, or tell your husband what you’re thinking about. When kids are with you almost every waking moment, take advantage of the fact that they don’t understand to talk sexy! After all, since our libidos are mostly in our heads, we need something to boost the libido!
Flirt with Your Partner: Don’t let motherhood take up your whole identity. During the day, even if you’re with your kids, flirt! Send him texts. Have a code word that means “I’m hot for you.” In the morning, show him what underwear you’re wearing that day. You can even use a dry erase marker (or even lipstick!), to leave a love note on your honey’s bathroom mirror.
Try Finding time to Sleep During the Day:The two biggest impediments for a woman getting in the mood are being exhausted and feeling overburdened. So be proactive and sleep during the day when the babies do! Do everything you can to get some rest. You need a nap make this obvious to older kids. Do this consistently, from the time that they’re young, and they likely won’t put up too much of a fight. It just becomes routine. University of Michigan researchers has inferred that each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity with a partner by 14%.
Be communicative with Your Husband Throughout the Day: If you have lots on your mind, it can be hard to concentrate enough to make love. And we women can’t enjoy sex unless our heads are in the game. So talk to your husband throughout the day to get some of these concerns out. Take walks with kids in strollers after dinner so you can debrief. Bathe the kids together and talk while they splash. Take time to connect earlier in the day, and it will be easier to connect in other ways later.
Love Your Body: Women who feel erotically fulfilled rate themselves as physically beautiful whether or not they measure up to the ‘ideal’. Passion, positively experienced, turns body hate to body love. Note that your partner engrossed in taking pleasure in our arms – or mouth, breasts, thighs – isn’t mentally measuring your waistline. Ask your partner what he loves about your body, and write it down. Read the list every morning. Finally, compliment yourself. At least once a week, stand in front of the mirror naked and focus on your favorite features — your toned arms, your firm butt, your gorgeous breasts. Touch each part and say aloud what you like about it — this will help to reinforce your feelings.
Be spontaneous. Rediscover the living room or jump in the shower with him. Just being naked together during the day helps you keep that spark! So if the kids aren’t around or are otherwise occupied, jump in the shower with your husband! Even if you don’t have sex, you still keep that fire going for later. Have fun being naked together, and it will make sex a more natural part of your life, rather than just an afterthought.
Don’t Sleep with the Kids: Many women who sleep with their children in bed with them said, “we just are intentional about sex and find ways to make it work.” Good for you! But let me suggest that while your sex life can still be fine, it will never be as good as it would be if there were no barriers in the bedroom. You essentially are sacrificing a part of your marriage for sleeping with the children.
Use Lubrication: When your hormones are out of whack, or you’re finding it more difficult for your body to respond because you’re worried about kids coming in or getting to sleep,lubrication can be a shortcut to arousal. It’s not cheating to use lube!
Strengthening your relationship isn’t selfish – it benefits the whole family. And while sex isn’t the be-all and end-all, it is often a barometer for the true state of your relationship. So if you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids!