From choosing gifts and sending cards to planning Christmas dinner, the holiday season can feel like an avalanche of mental to-do lists. New research from the University of Bath and the University of Melbourne, published in the Journal of Marriage & Family, reveals that mothers overwhelmingly carry this “mental load” while dads often take a back seat. And it’s not just during Christmas — this imbalance happens every day of the year.
The “mental load,” also known as “cognitive household labour” refers to the thinking work needed to keep family life running smoothly. This includes scheduling, planning, and organising tasks.
The study, conducted in the US, found that mothers take on seven in ten (71%) of all household mental load tasks. These tasks range from planning meals and arranging activities to managing household finances.
The research team analysed data from 3,000 US parent respondents, examining the share of common mental load tasks they typically manage in their household.
Key Findings
Mums take on most of the mental load. Mothers handle 71% of household tasks that require mental effort — 60% more than fathers, who manage just 45%.
Different roles for mums and dads. Mums take on 79% of daily jobs like cleaning and childcare — over twice as much as dads (37%). Dads, meanwhile, focus on episodic tasks like finances and home repairs (65%), although mums still do a significant share (53%), leading to duplication of effort.
Dads overestimate their share. Parents often overestimate their contributions, but dads do this more than mums. Fathers are also more likely to see household mental labour as equally shared, while mothers disagree.
Single parents juggle it all. Single mums and dads take on the full mental load. Single dads, in particular, do significantly more compared to partnered fathers.
The study focuses on individual parents rather than couples, so the findings reflect one parent’s perspective rather than a shared view. It also includes parents from a wide range of family types, including LGBTQ+ and single parents, making the results relevant to diverse households.
Dr Ana Catalano Weeks, a political scientist from the Department of Politics, Languages & international Studies at the University of Bath said:
“This kind of work is often unseen, but it matters. It can lead to stress, burnout and even impact women’s careers. In many cases, resentment can build, creating strain between couples. We hope our research sparks conversations about sharing the mental load more fairly — something that benefits everyone.”
The gender divide in the mental load doesn’t just affect family life — it impacts women in the workplace and public life. A recent Gallup study shows working mothers are twice as likely as fathers to consider reducing their hours or leaving their jobs due to parental responsibilities.
Dr Catalano Weeks said:
“Going forward, the challenge for governments and employers who care about attracting the top talent is how to create policies that are supportive of both mothers and fathers sharing the unpaid work at home. One policy that comes to mind is well-paid, gender-neutral parental leave — which both the UK and US are way behind on compared to the rest of Europe.”
So, this Christmas, if you’re wondering who’s doing the mental heavy lifting — it’s probably mum. The researchers encourage families to take the first step: talk about the mental load, make a plan, and work together to make the holidays — and every day — more balanced.
